Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. Hebrews 10:35
Over the last couple weeks I have found myself going through some difficult things and being involved in things that have caused me to ask God why? For me there is nothing worse than feeling like I’m wasting my time or doing something that does not add value to me or someone else. Selfish I know but just being honest. Following Jesus has been the greatest the decision of my life but anyone that tells you it’s always easy and problem free well, I would go as far to say that there really not following Jesus. Because following Jesus means denying yourself and of course becoming public enemy number 1 of the world and of course of satan.
But the word I found God really to speaking to me this week over and over again was confidence. Now some may find it hard to believe but sometimes that’s an area that even people like me struggle in. Without going into complete detail about the events of the last few weeks I’ll just say people and situations really cause me to question myself and my ability to do certain things and be a part of certain things. There is nothing worse than feeling like you don’t belong or that you can be the person that God has called you to be, or that you can’t do the very thing that God has called you to do and those are the very areas I believe the world and the enemy attacks the most. Because there have been many times I have found myself feeling like I was good only to have something happen that rocked my world and really caused me to question or second guess where God has me. Now there is nothing more the enemy wants than to have God and us at odds with each other because he wants to destroy us and the very relationship we have with God. But ultimately we make that choice if we allow that happen just like I would find out.
For the enemy he wants to cause doubt and make situations all about us and that’s exactly what happen to me. Once I allowed doubt to creep in I was no longer listening to Jesus and my attention was focused on me and what I thought instead of what Jesus wanted and what He says. By the attention being focused on me it allowed me to feel and believe like I was owed something or I was doing God a favor which is not the case at all. God doesn’t owe me a thing nor does He need me to accomplish or do anything because He is God and he can do whatever He chooses with whatever he wants. If anything I’m thankful God doesn’t give me what I deserve which is death and nothing more. The confidence I had in God turned towards arrogance which led to bitterness which lead to me becoming selfish and threating God I was going to quit. I’m very thankful God does not always take me seriously and that he has patience and mercy and that one word of his truth smashes a thousand lies. For me it changed when I took it to God in prayer instead of trying to think things out myself or trying to talk to other people about it.
God showed me he had me where I was for a reason even if I thought it was a waste of time and I didn’t benefit from it or if I had no say so in the matter. He showed me the people he had in my life where to keep me balanced and to keep me focused on what He has called me to do which takes all the attention off me and what I think or believe I deserve. I’m thankful for people in my life that speak truth to me even if it’s not easy. God showed me I belong because if I didn’t He would not have me where I was or doing what I was doing. He showed me that results are not up to me but to do only what He tells me to do and leave the results up to Him. Lastly He showed me not to throw away my confidence because it has great reward and that sometimes that reward is not always seen immediately and that by making things all about me will mean I will always missed the reward that comes with having Godly confidence in him. So like I stated in the beginning don't throw away your Godly confidence because its has great reward.